Sometimes I suck at "mom." But at least I try. Yesterday, my little boy turned 5. But it was Monday, which meant that I had work and then class, and then work and then another class. I am just barely treading water this semester and feel like I'm about to go under any second, so I wasn't able to just skip it all and celebrate my little man for a day. I hate this. And I brought it all on myself.
Last year I made the (what now seems incredibly selfish) decision to go back to school. The spring semester was great....I made the Dean's List. I had wonderful professors and had a fresh interest in the material. Now I'm just burned out. I think I got overly excited about things and went into this at a full sprint and then ran out of steam. I'm tired. I go to bed at 11:00 pm and get up at 4:00 am and it's still not enough.
I told myself that I was doing all of this for my son. But that's not true. He doesn't care if I finish school right now. He just wants to tickle and play hide & seek and football and ride bikes. And I'm missing all of it. Someday soon he won't want to do those things with me anymore.
I'm overwhelmed. Spring will be better. I have to believe that.
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