As much as I hate to say this, CrossFit must take a back seat to my academic aspirations this week. I have only days left to finish my senior paper and must then complete another writing project for my other class before next Wednesday. This means some late nights, early mornings, and full concentration.
I'd so much rather WOD and blog. That's way more fun. But I signed up for this and now I have to see it through to the end. The bitter, bitter end. I have grown accustomed to starting each weekday with my ACF tribe. Having to miss this morning due to lack of sleep really put a damper on my Monday. Prospects for Tuesday aren't looking much better at this point. I have to keep reminding myself that it's just for one week. I might make it in for one or two, but that's not likely.
In the beginning, I would dread each of the three days a week that I would rise at an ungodly hour and battle my own will just to make it in the door. If I crossed the threshold and found myself on the other side of the glass, standing on the concrete floor past the bumper plates and beneath the pull-up bars, I was in. No going back until I had done what I came to do.
And then something changed. My views changed. The view of them, and the view of myself. Somehow, the two meshed and I became one of "them"...we became us. I turned into one of those freaks that goes into the Pain Cave five days a week. I didn't think it could happen. And now I thank God it did. I needed them, I just didn't know it yet.
Now it's the end of November and I wonder how long I can go without buying pants to wear through a WOD. Strange, because now I would much rather buy clothes for CrossFit than for any other purpose. I invested in myself. And I see returns on the investment every day.
But I have this other investment. One year ago I made the decision to complete my college education. Not at all convenient with a full-time job and a family, but I need to finish what I started. And if it costs me a week out of the CrossFit box, it will be okay.
I just hope they miss me as much as I miss them.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 24th
WOD: "Gobble This"
15 sec thrusters
45 sec rest
15 sec slamballs
45 sec rest
15 sec burpees
45 sec rest
5 RFT (consecutive count)
117 Rx (65 lb thrusters, 10 lb slamball)
Now this was fun. Never done burpees so fast in my life! Great way to end a short week going into Thanksgiving and the gluttony sure to follow.
15 sec thrusters
45 sec rest
15 sec slamballs
45 sec rest
15 sec burpees
45 sec rest
5 RFT (consecutive count)
117 Rx (65 lb thrusters, 10 lb slamball)
Now this was fun. Never done burpees so fast in my life! Great way to end a short week going into Thanksgiving and the gluttony sure to follow.
Tuesday, November 23rd
WOD: "Dead to Me"
100 chins
75 hang power snatches
50 kettle bell swings
30 calorie row
1 Round for Time
27:33 (I don't think this is right, but I didn't write it down right away and I can't zoom in on the photo of the board)
Note: 100 consecutive pull ups will tear up your hands. 50 kettle bell swings will tear them even more.
Went with 40 lbs for the HPS because I still feel that anything I do with a wide grip needs serious form work. I'll get it....just have to work on the weaknesses.
Overall, great WOD. Jared and Rick sat down next to me after we were done (I may have yet again been the last one finished) and gave me some pointers on improving my rowing form. Always appreciated. Seriously....it means they care.
100 chins
75 hang power snatches
50 kettle bell swings
30 calorie row
1 Round for Time
27:33 (I don't think this is right, but I didn't write it down right away and I can't zoom in on the photo of the board)
Note: 100 consecutive pull ups will tear up your hands. 50 kettle bell swings will tear them even more.
Went with 40 lbs for the HPS because I still feel that anything I do with a wide grip needs serious form work. I'll get it....just have to work on the weaknesses.
Overall, great WOD. Jared and Rick sat down next to me after we were done (I may have yet again been the last one finished) and gave me some pointers on improving my rowing form. Always appreciated. Seriously....it means they care.
Monday, November 22, 2010
It is what you make it.
Hero WOD: "Blake"
*U.S. Navy Senior Chief Cryptologic Technician David Blake McLendon, 30, of Thomasville, Georgia, of the Naval Special Warfare Group 2 Support Activity in Norfolk, Virginia, killed September 21, 2010, in a helicopter crash during combat operations in Afghanistan's Zabul province.
2 rounds cals (this week: jumping jacks, shuffle splits, air squats, knees to elbows, stretches)
100 m weighted walking lunge (Rx: 25 lbs for females)
30 box jumps (Rx: 24")
20 wall balls (Rx: 14 lbs for females)
10 handstand push ups
4 Rounds for Time (scaled: 3 rounds)
31:30
(4 rounds: 25 lb plate for lunge walk, 20" box jumps/step ups, 10 lb wall ball, modified HSPU)
Monday in the box is never easy....never. Hurricane WODs are the norm; Heroes, the exception. Hero WODs are designed to be exceptional, just like the heroes they honor. And was this one ever exceptional.....
Lunge walks are not my strong suit, but I did them. All four rounds with a 25 lb plate over my head. Started strong on the box jumps but switched to step-ups once my form started to suffer. By the fourth round, even those were wobbly.
Wall ball....my nemesis. I am constantly being told to get down deep into the squat for these....something I don't otherwise have an issue with. And I need to be told. I WILL learn to dominate these bastards. I even told my brother that I want to buy myself a 14 lb wall ball for Christmas just so I can practice with it. (Who does that??)
I realized I was lagging behind everyone else once I hit the third round of lunge walks. I had the simultaneous realization that I was also one of the only girls still lunging with the 25 lb plate. Somehow, being behind didn't matter so much anymore.
By the fourth round, I was lunge walking by myself. Everyone else was done with that part of the round or done with the WOD entirely. The sun was beginning to come up and there I was in the alley, alone. And I was at peace with that. I could have so easily picked up the plate and walked back inside without completing the last 50 meters of lunges. But why would I want to cheat myself like that? No one would know....but I would know. My body would know and my heart would know. And that's the first time I've ever fully realized that the time on the clock, my personal time, does not matter to me. It's my effort that matters. It's my effort that builds muscle and strengthens my body and soul. It's my effort that lets me know if I can walk out with pride or if I should walk out with the sense that I didn't do the WOD justice. When I am on my hands and knees, dripping sweat, I know that I have given it my all. And that's all a hero WOD, or any WOD, really requires.
*Photo courtesy of Alamo CrossFit.
Friday, November 19th
WOD: "Stroll"
2 rounds cals
Tabata burpees (20 seconds on/10 seconds off...8 rounds)
Lowest count in a round: 5
THEN...
Rounds of 21-15-9:
dumbbell squat cleans
dumbbell push press
200 m farmer's carry
18:17 (20 lb DB's)
Yet another WOD wherein I should have gone Rx (25 lbs). I will learn...because if I don't, I might as well give up now. And I refuse to do that.
2 rounds cals
Tabata burpees (20 seconds on/10 seconds off...8 rounds)
Lowest count in a round: 5
THEN...
Rounds of 21-15-9:
dumbbell squat cleans
dumbbell push press
200 m farmer's carry
18:17 (20 lb DB's)
Yet another WOD wherein I should have gone Rx (25 lbs). I will learn...because if I don't, I might as well give up now. And I refuse to do that.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The circus that wasn't funny....
WOD: "2 Ring Circus"
2 rounds cals
12 min. AMRAP:
3 L pull-ups
6 ring dips
9 overhead squats
Rest 5 minutes
12 min. AMRAP:
20 overhead dumbbell lunges
20 kettlebell swings
20 box jumps
First AMRAP: 7 and 1/3 rounds
(modified pull-ups, tricep dips on box, 40 lb OHS)
Second AMRAP: 3 rounds
(20 lb dumbbell, 35 lb KB, mixed box jumps/step-ups)
At first glance, this didn't look all that bad. Should have taken a clue from the 5:45ers who looked as though they would have accepted death if given the option. ("Cake or death?"...Anyone?) But maybe I just shouldn't even read the board in the morning. Clearly, I missed the part about there being two AMRAP's. TWO. As in, more than one. In the same class period.
As of this writing (Thursday afternoon), I still hurt so badly that the pain just mocks the Advil and smacks it across the face before absorbing it in a final fit of laughter. I nearly dropped my child this morning when he jumped into my arms to hug me goodbye.
I opted to skip the morning classes today and sleep an extra 2 hours before getting up for work. And it was glorious. I did pack clothes just in case I have the opportunity to make one of the evening classes....though I suppose a 12 minute AMRAP of sitting and lying down is a bit too much to hope for at this point.
2 rounds cals
12 min. AMRAP:
3 L pull-ups
6 ring dips
9 overhead squats
Rest 5 minutes
12 min. AMRAP:
20 overhead dumbbell lunges
20 kettlebell swings
20 box jumps
First AMRAP: 7 and 1/3 rounds
(modified pull-ups, tricep dips on box, 40 lb OHS)
Second AMRAP: 3 rounds
(20 lb dumbbell, 35 lb KB, mixed box jumps/step-ups)
At first glance, this didn't look all that bad. Should have taken a clue from the 5:45ers who looked as though they would have accepted death if given the option. ("Cake or death?"...Anyone?) But maybe I just shouldn't even read the board in the morning. Clearly, I missed the part about there being two AMRAP's. TWO. As in, more than one. In the same class period.
As of this writing (Thursday afternoon), I still hurt so badly that the pain just mocks the Advil and smacks it across the face before absorbing it in a final fit of laughter. I nearly dropped my child this morning when he jumped into my arms to hug me goodbye.
I opted to skip the morning classes today and sleep an extra 2 hours before getting up for work. And it was glorious. I did pack clothes just in case I have the opportunity to make one of the evening classes....though I suppose a 12 minute AMRAP of sitting and lying down is a bit too much to hope for at this point.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Sometimes We Fail
WOD:
"Background Check"
2 rounds cals
3-3-3-1-1-1
max back squat: 145 lbs
12" AMRAP:
8 hang power cleans
12 chin ups
16 pushups
20 air squats
4.5 rounds (65 lb HPC's)
Despite being fairly happy with my performance in the WOD (I moved myself on down to the lower resistance band for chins), I was so, so angry about my enormous back squat fail. I dropped the bar with 165 lbs....twice. And not even a respectable "I know this isn't happening so I'll step out from under the bar now" drop either. I let myself get to the point where I couldn't actually take that step out and ended up falling over backwards. It was ugly to feel and I'm sure even uglier to watch. Had I not let my pride take control, I could have scaled it back 10 pounds and been absolutely happy with that. But noooooo.
I need to learn to shut everything out in those moments. Stop it with the "I'm the only girl here. Clock is running out. I only have one more chance to lift this. We won't do this again for a while and I need to do THIS weight NOW."....I let the mental part get muddy and instead of concentrating on getting back up (even if it had been with less weight), I focused on my moment of failure.
We have to get past that. Get past that split second of second guess-ture and move forward. Because it's all in your mind at that point. You know your body can do it. You just have to bring your thoughts into focus and stand up under that weight. It doesn't really matter what the weight is made of or how much it is....or even if it's real or imaginary. Just move it. And then thank God for your abilities. Because not everyone has them.
Friday, November 12th
WOD:
(I can't remember the name!)
2 rounds cals
3 minute planks
500 m row
Rounds of 10,20,30,40,50
situps and jumping slamballs
500 m run
19:27
Awesome, awesome, awesome WOD!!! I'm pretty sure my face dripped sweat for a solid 10 minutes after it was over. That's how you know it was good!
(I can't remember the name!)
2 rounds cals
3 minute planks
500 m row
Rounds of 10,20,30,40,50
situps and jumping slamballs
500 m run
19:27
Awesome, awesome, awesome WOD!!! I'm pretty sure my face dripped sweat for a solid 10 minutes after it was over. That's how you know it was good!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Ending Dulce Essay
And at the end of the challenge, we were required to submit another essay on our experience during the challenge, what we learned, how we felt, etc...
"I am a Weight Watchers drop-out. Wanna know why? Because they wanted me to weigh 110 lbs. and didn't really care how I did it. They pushed their pre-packaged garbage and low fat this and high carb that, all of it loaded with sugar and things I couldn't pronounce with any semblance of know-how. And at some point I decided that it was all a load of crap. I didn't know where to go or what to do, but this was not healthy. And I knew that there was more to fitness than sitting in a meeting and listening to someone rattle on about how many clicks they got on their pedometer last week.
At the beginning of this challenge I broke up with my scale. I was tired of it being a source of anxiety and I was tired of giving it permission to rule my thoughts and dictate my self-image. Do you know how freeing that has been? To tell this flat, inanimate object without a personality that it has no power over me anymore?
I came into this challenge knowing that I don't lose weight. My weight shifts or I gain muscle but pounds do not just drop off of me. And throwing out the scale has helped me not to dwell on this aspect. It was during this challenge that I realized something incredible. I no longer think of weight in terms of my body...I now think of it in terms of how much I can lift.
I'm getting to the point where I am accepting of the size of my clothes. You might even say I'm happy. I'm smaller than when I first started the Ducle Vida Challenge. And I actually see muscles now where I couldn't before. I might even have an ab or two. I can lift heavier and endure longer. And I can see the potential I have in making it onto the leader board at some point in the near future.
Since making the jump into Paleo and then CrossFit, and then upping the ante and going strict Paleo, I feel better than I have in years. I no longer have the constant back pain, headaches and joint pain that someone in their early 30's should not have. This challenge has reminded me of what clean eating can do. Clean up the inside and the outside follows suit.
I have never been motivated by money. "Winning" this challenge would be nice. But I already won something even better than cold, hard cash. And I would be lying if I said that I could hold back the tears in realizing that what I really wanted actually happened. I found that girl. The "Now I want to be her, only better" girl.... And I am.
110 lbs... I will NEVER weigh 110 lbs. But I'm pretty damn close to lifting it over my head. And you know what else? I may have lost those 5 long years. But I'm not willing to give up one more day."
I did not win the challenge. Well, I did not win the money is what I should say. Because in a way, I did win. I won something more valuable. I discovered the joy of living my own life again. I found that I actually enjoy competition. And in sharing my thoughts and feelings and struggles here, I found that it's okay to let people in and to let them get close to me.
Welcome to my crazy. Hope you'll visit often. :)
Huge congratulations to Lance!!! I am truly happy for you. Thank you for your example, but thank you most of all for your service. Proud to know you, sir!
"I am a Weight Watchers drop-out. Wanna know why? Because they wanted me to weigh 110 lbs. and didn't really care how I did it. They pushed their pre-packaged garbage and low fat this and high carb that, all of it loaded with sugar and things I couldn't pronounce with any semblance of know-how. And at some point I decided that it was all a load of crap. I didn't know where to go or what to do, but this was not healthy. And I knew that there was more to fitness than sitting in a meeting and listening to someone rattle on about how many clicks they got on their pedometer last week.
At the beginning of this challenge I broke up with my scale. I was tired of it being a source of anxiety and I was tired of giving it permission to rule my thoughts and dictate my self-image. Do you know how freeing that has been? To tell this flat, inanimate object without a personality that it has no power over me anymore?
I came into this challenge knowing that I don't lose weight. My weight shifts or I gain muscle but pounds do not just drop off of me. And throwing out the scale has helped me not to dwell on this aspect. It was during this challenge that I realized something incredible. I no longer think of weight in terms of my body...I now think of it in terms of how much I can lift.
I'm getting to the point where I am accepting of the size of my clothes. You might even say I'm happy. I'm smaller than when I first started the Ducle Vida Challenge. And I actually see muscles now where I couldn't before. I might even have an ab or two. I can lift heavier and endure longer. And I can see the potential I have in making it onto the leader board at some point in the near future.
Since making the jump into Paleo and then CrossFit, and then upping the ante and going strict Paleo, I feel better than I have in years. I no longer have the constant back pain, headaches and joint pain that someone in their early 30's should not have. This challenge has reminded me of what clean eating can do. Clean up the inside and the outside follows suit.
I have never been motivated by money. "Winning" this challenge would be nice. But I already won something even better than cold, hard cash. And I would be lying if I said that I could hold back the tears in realizing that what I really wanted actually happened. I found that girl. The "Now I want to be her, only better" girl.... And I am.
110 lbs... I will NEVER weigh 110 lbs. But I'm pretty damn close to lifting it over my head. And you know what else? I may have lost those 5 long years. But I'm not willing to give up one more day."
I did not win the challenge. Well, I did not win the money is what I should say. Because in a way, I did win. I won something more valuable. I discovered the joy of living my own life again. I found that I actually enjoy competition. And in sharing my thoughts and feelings and struggles here, I found that it's okay to let people in and to let them get close to me.
Welcome to my crazy. Hope you'll visit often. :)
Huge congratulations to Lance!!! I am truly happy for you. Thank you for your example, but thank you most of all for your service. Proud to know you, sir!
Beginning Dulce Essay
At the beginning of the Ducle Vida Paleo Challenge we were required to submit an essay, 200 words or less, on why we wanted to participate in this challenge. This was mine:
"3:35 a.m….25 minutes until the alarm goes off and I’m wide awake. Others dream in color, some in black and white. I dream in WOD, anticipating what the white board has in store for us each morning.
My friends ask why I do this to myself. The short answer? Because I can feel it. The long answer is where things get ugly. I lost five years of my life to major depression. I’ve spent the last year trying to repair, rebuild, and restore. I used to want to be the girl I was before. Now I want to be her, only better.
I used to shy away from challenges. Sugar was my comfort, my friend when everyone else went silent. No more. I can do better this time. The mental clarity that comes as a result of CrossFit and Paleo eating is something I have enthusiastically embraced and won’t give up. I want that $1,000 prize. But if all I win is a stripped down version of the girl I am today, faster and focused, less hurt and more healing, I still win.
“Dulce Vida”…because life is sweet. And now I can taste it."
"3:35 a.m….25 minutes until the alarm goes off and I’m wide awake. Others dream in color, some in black and white. I dream in WOD, anticipating what the white board has in store for us each morning.
My friends ask why I do this to myself. The short answer? Because I can feel it. The long answer is where things get ugly. I lost five years of my life to major depression. I’ve spent the last year trying to repair, rebuild, and restore. I used to want to be the girl I was before. Now I want to be her, only better.
I used to shy away from challenges. Sugar was my comfort, my friend when everyone else went silent. No more. I can do better this time. The mental clarity that comes as a result of CrossFit and Paleo eating is something I have enthusiastically embraced and won’t give up. I want that $1,000 prize. But if all I win is a stripped down version of the girl I am today, faster and focused, less hurt and more healing, I still win.
“Dulce Vida”…because life is sweet. And now I can taste it."
Friday, November 12, 2010
Veterans' Day, November 11th
WOD:
"Bulger"
150 m run
7 chest to bar pullups
7 front squats
7 hand-stand pushups
10 RFT (scaled: 6 RFT)
16:43 (6 rounds)
I cannot believe I did not go 10 rounds. This was one of those days where I really needed to push myself and maybe even stand up for myself and I just didn't do it.
I started to blow through the rounds and was on about the 5th one when I made the mistake of saying out loud that I might actually go the full 10, only to be told quickly that I should have decided that up front. And I should have. Absolutely. I had doubted myself again and would have to just live with it.
But my response, to quit at 6 rounds and let that be it, wasn't what I wanted it to be either. I wish that I had called time at 6 rounds and then done the final 4 without credit. Because I don't care about the credit. I should have done it for the vets. Period.
I regretted my decision to scale all day. The extra 4 rounds would have exhausted me further, but I chose to think ahead to my performance in the afternoon Dulce instead. And that was wrong. It was selfish. I was actually embarrassed to go back in to the gym for my Dulce WOD.
My whole response was wrong. I let something shut me down....and I thought I was learning not to let that happen. I regretted it to the point of breaking down in a pathetic puddle of tears last night. But it wasn't just this regret. It was everything. Everything I'm facing. And everything I pull with me...everywhere.
Regrets, regrets, regrets....
More on that later.
"Bulger"
150 m run
7 chest to bar pullups
7 front squats
7 hand-stand pushups
10 RFT (scaled: 6 RFT)
16:43 (6 rounds)
I cannot believe I did not go 10 rounds. This was one of those days where I really needed to push myself and maybe even stand up for myself and I just didn't do it.
I started to blow through the rounds and was on about the 5th one when I made the mistake of saying out loud that I might actually go the full 10, only to be told quickly that I should have decided that up front. And I should have. Absolutely. I had doubted myself again and would have to just live with it.
But my response, to quit at 6 rounds and let that be it, wasn't what I wanted it to be either. I wish that I had called time at 6 rounds and then done the final 4 without credit. Because I don't care about the credit. I should have done it for the vets. Period.
I regretted my decision to scale all day. The extra 4 rounds would have exhausted me further, but I chose to think ahead to my performance in the afternoon Dulce instead. And that was wrong. It was selfish. I was actually embarrassed to go back in to the gym for my Dulce WOD.
My whole response was wrong. I let something shut me down....and I thought I was learning not to let that happen. I regretted it to the point of breaking down in a pathetic puddle of tears last night. But it wasn't just this regret. It was everything. Everything I'm facing. And everything I pull with me...everywhere.
Regrets, regrets, regrets....
More on that later.
Wednesday, November 10th
WOD:
"Triple Play"
2 rounds cals
Heavy Push Press, 3-3-3
Rest 3-5 min.
3 Push Press
15 Double Unders
AMRAP 12"
Heavy: 75 lbs
AMRAP: 10 rounds @ 65 lbs
Happy 235th Birthday, Marine Corps!!!
"Triple Play"
2 rounds cals
Heavy Push Press, 3-3-3
Rest 3-5 min.
3 Push Press
15 Double Unders
AMRAP 12"
Heavy: 75 lbs
AMRAP: 10 rounds @ 65 lbs
Happy 235th Birthday, Marine Corps!!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Enjoy the Silence
WOD:
2 rounds cals
10 box jumps/back squats
3 rounds
"Lift-a-licious"
21-15-9
21 Clean & Jerk
21 Back Squat
15 Push Press
15 Hang Cleans
9 Overhead Squat
9 Front Squat
(Rx 115/75)
11:07 (55 lbs)
Not much to say today, but lots to read for class tomorrow.
....Best get started.
2 rounds cals
10 box jumps/back squats
3 rounds
"Lift-a-licious"
21-15-9
21 Clean & Jerk
21 Back Squat
15 Push Press
15 Hang Cleans
9 Overhead Squat
9 Front Squat
(Rx 115/75)
11:07 (55 lbs)
Not much to say today, but lots to read for class tomorrow.
....Best get started.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Hello Helen
2 rounds cals (this week: jumping jacks, shuffle splits, air squats, situps, stretch)
3 rounds of inchworms
WOD:
"Helen"
400 m run
21 kettle bell swings
12 chin ups
3 RFT
12:40 (35 lb KB)
Dear Self:
It doesn't much matter if you can swing the hell out of a KB if you continue to refuse to run faster. Stop waiting for the last round to sprint the finish. Sprint the whole damn thing! You don't get better by pacing yourself, saving whatever it is you have for the last round. Give each round everything you have. And then do it again. Faster.
And get rid of that green band. Sure, it's prettier than the tan one, but you're not doing yourself any favors by sticking with it. It's been long enough. Loosen some of that tension and remember what it feels like to struggle.
And smile. That part doesn't hurt.
xoxo, Lisa
3 rounds of inchworms
WOD:
"Helen"
400 m run
21 kettle bell swings
12 chin ups
3 RFT
12:40 (35 lb KB)
Dear Self:
It doesn't much matter if you can swing the hell out of a KB if you continue to refuse to run faster. Stop waiting for the last round to sprint the finish. Sprint the whole damn thing! You don't get better by pacing yourself, saving whatever it is you have for the last round. Give each round everything you have. And then do it again. Faster.
And get rid of that green band. Sure, it's prettier than the tan one, but you're not doing yourself any favors by sticking with it. It's been long enough. Loosen some of that tension and remember what it feels like to struggle.
And smile. That part doesn't hurt.
xoxo, Lisa
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Saturday/Sunday, Nov. 6th & 7th
*Rest Days*
Saturday:
Breakfast:
grapefruit, almonds
black coffee
Lunch:
shrimp, guacamole
carrots & salsa
Snack:
leftover rice, refried beans
*Not Paleo....but they don't send me running for more the way sugar does. Shared them with my boy and we had a great time watching cartoons and taking turns with the bowl.
Dinner:
Lunch and snack were late in the day, so I had a few bites of leftover shrimp and more carrots and salsa. Good stuff.
Sunday:
Breakfast:
Bacon & egg taco....and I actually ate the tortilla. It wasn't all that good. I really can live without tortillas.
Starbucks coffee (not my favorite, but it works)
Lunch:
More leftover shrimp (I made a lot of it), carrots and salsa
Dinner:
I made a sort of casserole with eggs, turkey bacon, spinach, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes. Should have left the sundried tomatoes out and used fresh tomatoes or salsa as a topping. It also needed some peppers and onions. We'll try again.
I managed to go the whole weekend (I think today is actually day 5) without any sugar. Finally. Each day gets a little easier. And in kicking the sugar habit again, I've noticed my anxiety level has gone down. Today I had a mental breakthrough on my paper that I'm supposed to be writing and I know this has everything to do with the more relaxed state of being that comes from living without sugar. Praise Jesus. I was getting really nervous about the fast-approaching end of this semester but now I know I can finish this and not drive myself crazy in the process.
Saturday:
Breakfast:
grapefruit, almonds
black coffee
Lunch:
shrimp, guacamole
carrots & salsa
Snack:
leftover rice, refried beans
*Not Paleo....but they don't send me running for more the way sugar does. Shared them with my boy and we had a great time watching cartoons and taking turns with the bowl.
Dinner:
Lunch and snack were late in the day, so I had a few bites of leftover shrimp and more carrots and salsa. Good stuff.
Sunday:
Breakfast:
Bacon & egg taco....and I actually ate the tortilla. It wasn't all that good. I really can live without tortillas.
Starbucks coffee (not my favorite, but it works)
Lunch:
More leftover shrimp (I made a lot of it), carrots and salsa
Dinner:
I made a sort of casserole with eggs, turkey bacon, spinach, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes. Should have left the sundried tomatoes out and used fresh tomatoes or salsa as a topping. It also needed some peppers and onions. We'll try again.
I managed to go the whole weekend (I think today is actually day 5) without any sugar. Finally. Each day gets a little easier. And in kicking the sugar habit again, I've noticed my anxiety level has gone down. Today I had a mental breakthrough on my paper that I'm supposed to be writing and I know this has everything to do with the more relaxed state of being that comes from living without sugar. Praise Jesus. I was getting really nervous about the fast-approaching end of this semester but now I know I can finish this and not drive myself crazy in the process.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Do Shut Up
I'll be honest here. (This is not new...) I don't like most of my neighbors. And my feelings are not without merit. I have given it a good go....waved, tried speaking to, smiling, what have you. But today has to be up there with the most bizarre we have experienced since living here.
Wes wanted to ride his big wheel. Awesome. We go outside. I sit on the curb and he pedals down the street and skids past me just close enough to make me curl my toes up inside my shoes. Promises he won't actually hit me. (Riiiight.)
Neighbor kid rides up the street. Fine.
Here comes his dad, beer in hand. Crap.
Now, there are a plethora of reasons why I can't stand this guy. He's taken it upon himself to be the neighborhood watchdog....which is fine, except that he gets into screaming matches with people on a regular basis. (And today is no exception.) He actually called the police on another neighbor's guest last week....because their radio was too loud. I'd like to tell him that by doing this, he's painting a target on his back that just gets brighter with every spit-filled altercation he instigates. But he's such an idiot that I would truly be wasting my breath.
Below are the most memorable moments of our conversation. And when I say "conversation" please understand that it was almost completely one-sided. I did very little talking. He proceeded to plant his ass on my curb and spew his ignorant, bigoted, racist, and just altogether stupid views.
"How old is your kid?...He's not in sports?...Well, I mean, it's your life and your life decisions..."
(Damn right it is. And I've seen your kid throw a football. You might encourage him in the academic areas.)
"I was tellin' your old man...."
(Actually, he's my husband. And he's not old. And please don't talk to him.)
"My niece was supposed to come over today. She's in the Air Force...just got back from Afghanistan. Shot up some bad guys. She's Marine Corps."
(Okay, which is it? You do know they're different, RIGHT???)
At some point he walks back down to his house on the end of the street and I assume plugs his mouth with more tobacco that he may spit onto my driveway, which is always attractive. I see him start yelling at someone and he rounds the corner, still yelling. He comes back down to my house (Oh, thank you. Because I so wanted you to.) to tell me that he just "jumped on these 12 year olds' asses for walkin' by my house sayin' mother-f'er this and mother-f'er that." (Because THAT taught them. And I really hope your house gets egged.)
"You know me..." (Not really. And I don't want to either.) "I just can't let that go in front of my son." (Um, please note that your son was half a block up the street in front of my house and had no clue that anything was going on until you started yelling profanities back at children. Way to go, Dad. Way to go.)
At this point I tell him that I really prefer just to mind my own business, hoping he'll quit talking and leave.... Nope. Clueless.
Another neighbor drives up to a house between ours. "This guy's been known to knock a few back." (Nooooooooo! Please note the constant presence of beer in your own hand, sir. And has anyone ever told you that by looking directly at someone and shielding your mouth while talking to someone else, the first someone probably has a pretty good idea that YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THEM? Oh, and you whisper about as quietly as a 3 year old.) "He's crazy...You know those Puerto Ricans."
I cannot believe I actually managed to speak: "Excuse me?????"
He back pedals. "Not that that has anything to do with anything."
Me: "No...it doesn't." (I'm fairly certain that fire is coming out of my ears by now.)
If only there were Immodium for verbal diarrhea. The man just does not stop talking....
"His pit got out one day. I went in and got my gun..." (Oh, YAY!) "...pointed it right at the dog and said 'You got two choices. You can go on back and live, or you can stay here and die.' Dog yelped and ran right back in the house." (WTF??????? Note to self: Never go out of house again.)
And yet he goes on....I wish I could remember everything but I was so heavily concentrated on not kicking him in the head (I actually had to take a few steps back to insure this would not happen) that I couldn't make mental notes of everything he was saying.
He spoke again of how his son has been friends with the same group of boys since they were in daycare right after birth. (I had to hear this same story last week). And then came the kicker:
"They been runnin' around together since they were suckin' nipples."
(PLEASE try to envision the look on my face here. It had to have been priceless.)
Me: "WES!!!! WE NEED TO GO TO TARGET!!! NOWWWWWWW!!!!!"
Please don't piss me off. I might write about you. And that's not necessarily a good thing.
Wes wanted to ride his big wheel. Awesome. We go outside. I sit on the curb and he pedals down the street and skids past me just close enough to make me curl my toes up inside my shoes. Promises he won't actually hit me. (Riiiight.)
Neighbor kid rides up the street. Fine.
Here comes his dad, beer in hand. Crap.
Now, there are a plethora of reasons why I can't stand this guy. He's taken it upon himself to be the neighborhood watchdog....which is fine, except that he gets into screaming matches with people on a regular basis. (And today is no exception.) He actually called the police on another neighbor's guest last week....because their radio was too loud. I'd like to tell him that by doing this, he's painting a target on his back that just gets brighter with every spit-filled altercation he instigates. But he's such an idiot that I would truly be wasting my breath.
Below are the most memorable moments of our conversation. And when I say "conversation" please understand that it was almost completely one-sided. I did very little talking. He proceeded to plant his ass on my curb and spew his ignorant, bigoted, racist, and just altogether stupid views.
"How old is your kid?...He's not in sports?...Well, I mean, it's your life and your life decisions..."
(Damn right it is. And I've seen your kid throw a football. You might encourage him in the academic areas.)
"I was tellin' your old man...."
(Actually, he's my husband. And he's not old. And please don't talk to him.)
"My niece was supposed to come over today. She's in the Air Force...just got back from Afghanistan. Shot up some bad guys. She's Marine Corps."
(Okay, which is it? You do know they're different, RIGHT???)
At some point he walks back down to his house on the end of the street and I assume plugs his mouth with more tobacco that he may spit onto my driveway, which is always attractive. I see him start yelling at someone and he rounds the corner, still yelling. He comes back down to my house (Oh, thank you. Because I so wanted you to.) to tell me that he just "jumped on these 12 year olds' asses for walkin' by my house sayin' mother-f'er this and mother-f'er that." (Because THAT taught them. And I really hope your house gets egged.)
"You know me..." (Not really. And I don't want to either.) "I just can't let that go in front of my son." (Um, please note that your son was half a block up the street in front of my house and had no clue that anything was going on until you started yelling profanities back at children. Way to go, Dad. Way to go.)
At this point I tell him that I really prefer just to mind my own business, hoping he'll quit talking and leave.... Nope. Clueless.
Another neighbor drives up to a house between ours. "This guy's been known to knock a few back." (Nooooooooo! Please note the constant presence of beer in your own hand, sir. And has anyone ever told you that by looking directly at someone and shielding your mouth while talking to someone else, the first someone probably has a pretty good idea that YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THEM? Oh, and you whisper about as quietly as a 3 year old.) "He's crazy...You know those Puerto Ricans."
I cannot believe I actually managed to speak: "Excuse me?????"
He back pedals. "Not that that has anything to do with anything."
Me: "No...it doesn't." (I'm fairly certain that fire is coming out of my ears by now.)
If only there were Immodium for verbal diarrhea. The man just does not stop talking....
"His pit got out one day. I went in and got my gun..." (Oh, YAY!) "...pointed it right at the dog and said 'You got two choices. You can go on back and live, or you can stay here and die.' Dog yelped and ran right back in the house." (WTF??????? Note to self: Never go out of house again.)
And yet he goes on....I wish I could remember everything but I was so heavily concentrated on not kicking him in the head (I actually had to take a few steps back to insure this would not happen) that I couldn't make mental notes of everything he was saying.
He spoke again of how his son has been friends with the same group of boys since they were in daycare right after birth. (I had to hear this same story last week). And then came the kicker:
"They been runnin' around together since they were suckin' nipples."
(PLEASE try to envision the look on my face here. It had to have been priceless.)
Me: "WES!!!! WE NEED TO GO TO TARGET!!! NOWWWWWWW!!!!!"
Please don't piss me off. I might write about you. And that's not necessarily a good thing.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Blessings Undeserved
I was feeling good after today's fun Friday WOD. Really good. On my way home I got a text from my brother...(I was stopped at a light so please lower your eyebrows).
"Dude...you ARE the blog..."
"What?"
"Today Rick's blog is about you and a link to your blog...Proud of you - you might be the next Lisbeth!" (Lisbeth Darsh is the author of the "Crossfit Lisbeth" blog and an absolute ROCKSTAR. To sit at her feet and soak in her wisdom would probably turn me into one of those sobbing and pathetic girls you see in footage of the front rows of Beatles' concerts. To quote that awesome Intel commercial: "Our rockstars are different than your rockstars.")
OMG. Drive faster. I need to see this....
And now all I can say is that I am humbled. And amazed. And grateful. And thankful to know that I am exactly where I belong. Thank you, Rick. Thank you for accepting me into your fold and for helping me find my better self. You are an inspirational leader and I am so thankful to know you and to be your student.
And did you see that? My brother is proud of me. I could very easily be an embarrassment to him. But he's proud of me. And I'm so proud and awed by him that I have tried many times to put this into a post but can't...yet. I will find the words. Because he deserves them.
And then I get to work and check my e-mail and I have the most beautiful and loving and encouraging message from my best friend in the whole world. My April. My April who knows me and loves me anyway. :) She is one of my greatest treasures in life and I must also find a way to tell you about her.
This day is turning out to be pretty incredible.... Unexpected gifts. Blessings undeserved. Sunshine, grace, and mercy.
Happy Friday, everyone.
And here's the link to the Alamo Crossfit blog: http://www.alamocrossfit.com/?p=3704
Still amazed.
"Dude...you ARE the blog..."
"What?"
"Today Rick's blog is about you and a link to your blog...Proud of you - you might be the next Lisbeth!" (Lisbeth Darsh is the author of the "Crossfit Lisbeth" blog and an absolute ROCKSTAR. To sit at her feet and soak in her wisdom would probably turn me into one of those sobbing and pathetic girls you see in footage of the front rows of Beatles' concerts. To quote that awesome Intel commercial: "Our rockstars are different than your rockstars.")
OMG. Drive faster. I need to see this....
And now all I can say is that I am humbled. And amazed. And grateful. And thankful to know that I am exactly where I belong. Thank you, Rick. Thank you for accepting me into your fold and for helping me find my better self. You are an inspirational leader and I am so thankful to know you and to be your student.
And did you see that? My brother is proud of me. I could very easily be an embarrassment to him. But he's proud of me. And I'm so proud and awed by him that I have tried many times to put this into a post but can't...yet. I will find the words. Because he deserves them.
And then I get to work and check my e-mail and I have the most beautiful and loving and encouraging message from my best friend in the whole world. My April. My April who knows me and loves me anyway. :) She is one of my greatest treasures in life and I must also find a way to tell you about her.
This day is turning out to be pretty incredible.... Unexpected gifts. Blessings undeserved. Sunshine, grace, and mercy.
Happy Friday, everyone.
And here's the link to the Alamo Crossfit blog: http://www.alamocrossfit.com/?p=3704
Still amazed.
TGIF
WOD:
"Bears"
30 seconds on / 30 seconds off
max rep thrusters
max burpees
max knees-to-elbows
max SDHP (sumo deadlift high pull)
3 rounds
1" rest between rounds
(Rx: 135 males / 95 females)
126 reps @ 55 lbs
Got to see Missy and Lorena leaving the 5:45 as I drove up for 6:30 this morning. Always good to start the day with hugs and friendly faces. And then I walked into a class of about 20 Army officers and Shawn. He looked concerned. He had already read the board. "It's like Fight Gone Bad but with burpees."..... Oh.
Aside from the knees-to-elbows, this actually ended up being a lot of fun. I have long arms but short legs, so the whole elbow thing isn't so much happening. More like knees-to-boobs. Perhaps I need to work on my swing....
While I would have loved to have gone with 65 lbs for the thrusters and SDHP, I chose 55 because my neck is still a bit iffy today. The nerve that's pinched isn't acting up as much, but this was one of those instances where I actually used my head and chose to play it safe. It's much, much better than yesterday, so I have full confidence that all will be back to normal by Monday. At least it better be.....Monday WOD's suck.
Breakfast:
eggs, bacon
black coffee
valencia orange
Lunch:
Rosemary lemon chicken breast, salsa. 'Twas good.
Dinner:
El Chapparal beef fajitas, guacamole, lots of salsa and a few bites of rice and beans. I don't have problems walking away from the rice and beans so a few bites are fairly safe for me. It's sugar that I do battle with, so I decided to forgo the margarita.
"Bears"
30 seconds on / 30 seconds off
max rep thrusters
max burpees
max knees-to-elbows
max SDHP (sumo deadlift high pull)
3 rounds
1" rest between rounds
(Rx: 135 males / 95 females)
126 reps @ 55 lbs
Got to see Missy and Lorena leaving the 5:45 as I drove up for 6:30 this morning. Always good to start the day with hugs and friendly faces. And then I walked into a class of about 20 Army officers and Shawn. He looked concerned. He had already read the board. "It's like Fight Gone Bad but with burpees."..... Oh.
Aside from the knees-to-elbows, this actually ended up being a lot of fun. I have long arms but short legs, so the whole elbow thing isn't so much happening. More like knees-to-boobs. Perhaps I need to work on my swing....
While I would have loved to have gone with 65 lbs for the thrusters and SDHP, I chose 55 because my neck is still a bit iffy today. The nerve that's pinched isn't acting up as much, but this was one of those instances where I actually used my head and chose to play it safe. It's much, much better than yesterday, so I have full confidence that all will be back to normal by Monday. At least it better be.....Monday WOD's suck.
Breakfast:
eggs, bacon
black coffee
valencia orange
Lunch:
Rosemary lemon chicken breast, salsa. 'Twas good.
Dinner:
El Chapparal beef fajitas, guacamole, lots of salsa and a few bites of rice and beans. I don't have problems walking away from the rice and beans so a few bites are fairly safe for me. It's sugar that I do battle with, so I decided to forgo the margarita.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
(I Don't Want To) Rest Day
*Rest Day*
The cantankerous bundle of nerves in my neck and between my shoulder blades is very, very angry from yesterday's overhead lifting. I'm super sore and stiff and have limited range of motion in my neck right now. I had planned to make the noon class today but got called into a meeting at 11. The 5:30 pm is an option, but I think that maybe I just need to let my neck and shoulders rest today and avoid any further injury. What I have found (and why I keep testing this just to make sure, I do not know) is that when I allow myself to ingest sugar, the aforementioned nerves tend to get irritated and make me very uncomfortable.
So, I'm back to being "good." I had my little crack-out on Halloween candy and now I'm done. Good thing, too. Challenge ends next week. I must now come to grips with the fact that I most likely threw myself headlong out of the running to win the challenge. This is where I must practice that kinder, gentler treatment of self and forgive and move on.
The challenge isn't about the money for me, anyway. I've learned a lot. And I won't be bailing off the Paleo wagon come November 13th. I can think more clearly when I'm 100% Paleo, and have therefore challenged myself to continue on through December 9th when my senior paper is due. I need all the help I can get....
Breakfast:
pecans, apple
black coffee
Lunch:
seasoned shrimp, rosemary lemon chicken breast, salsa
strawberries
Snack:
more strawberries
more pecans
Dinner:
My mama made pork roast with sweet potatoes, carrots and mushroom and invited Wes and me to stay for dinner. Yes, thank you! It was so delicious....and I didn't have to make it. :)
Snack:
Paleo-friendly coconut/pecan/cocoa treat (google "Nourishing Gourmet mounds candy" for recipe)
The cantankerous bundle of nerves in my neck and between my shoulder blades is very, very angry from yesterday's overhead lifting. I'm super sore and stiff and have limited range of motion in my neck right now. I had planned to make the noon class today but got called into a meeting at 11. The 5:30 pm is an option, but I think that maybe I just need to let my neck and shoulders rest today and avoid any further injury. What I have found (and why I keep testing this just to make sure, I do not know) is that when I allow myself to ingest sugar, the aforementioned nerves tend to get irritated and make me very uncomfortable.
So, I'm back to being "good." I had my little crack-out on Halloween candy and now I'm done. Good thing, too. Challenge ends next week. I must now come to grips with the fact that I most likely threw myself headlong out of the running to win the challenge. This is where I must practice that kinder, gentler treatment of self and forgive and move on.
The challenge isn't about the money for me, anyway. I've learned a lot. And I won't be bailing off the Paleo wagon come November 13th. I can think more clearly when I'm 100% Paleo, and have therefore challenged myself to continue on through December 9th when my senior paper is due. I need all the help I can get....
Breakfast:
pecans, apple
black coffee
Lunch:
seasoned shrimp, rosemary lemon chicken breast, salsa
strawberries
Snack:
more strawberries
more pecans
Dinner:
My mama made pork roast with sweet potatoes, carrots and mushroom and invited Wes and me to stay for dinner. Yes, thank you! It was so delicious....and I didn't have to make it. :)
Snack:
Paleo-friendly coconut/pecan/cocoa treat (google "Nourishing Gourmet mounds candy" for recipe)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Can't or Won't?
WOD:
"Shorty Wanna Ride"
2 rounds cals
5-5-3-1-1 max effort Clean & Jerk
*maxed at 95 lbs*
21-15-9
Squat Cleans
Push Jerks
14:13 (65 lbs Rx)
I need to stop saying "I can't." Rick asked what my max Clean & Jerk was....I didn't know, but said that I knew I couldn't get 80 over my head. He rolled his eyes and told Jen and me to start with just the 45 lb bar. We got the form down and added a couple of plates. 65 lbs. 75 lbs. 80 lbs. We started to get a little excited. 85 lbs. 95 lbs. Done. Happiness. Not just for ourselves, but for each other. Neither of us thought going in to it that we would go that high. But we did.
And that was just the warm up. I was really happy to see squat cleans on the board today. I don't know why, but I love these! It just feels like a complete and fluid and beautiful movement. And it makes your quads hurt in a really good way. Somehow, the 15 lb bar that I had selected disappeared. I started to grab another. Rick said to use the 45. (See? I still have to be told.) I had done "Badger" with only 45 lbs. Today's Rx was 65. 21-15-9 reps. Do it or don't.
I can honestly say that today I gave 100%, every last thing I had. Unlike yesterday's deadlifts, I struggled through 21 reps of squat cleans and then 21 reps of push jerks at 65 lbs. And then 15. And then the glorious last 9 of each. When it was over I dropped to my knees. Too wobbly to stand up. There was not one inch of me that was dry or not shaking.
John and Shawn kindly took down my bar and put the plates and collars away for me. I probably stayed on the ground for 5 solid minutes. And all I could think was "I did it. I Rx'd." And as exhausted as I was, I was happy.
Encouragement from the tribe and from our leader. It's something we have at ACF. Of course there's the friendly competition, but what continues to amaze me is the encouragement that flows through the gym. We rejoice in each others' victories, be they big or small. Because they're not just physical...they're emotional and mental. It's about much more than a WOD, it's about overcoming life's struggles.
It's about someone plagued by self-doubt learning to say "I CAN do this. I WILL do this."
Por vida, my friends. Today is a good day.
Breakfast:
Chicken & Fruit Bowl (from My Fit Foods)
Lunch:
Leftover shrimp & chicken, carrots, celery & salsa
Dinner:
We'll talk about that later.
"Shorty Wanna Ride"
2 rounds cals
5-5-3-1-1 max effort Clean & Jerk
*maxed at 95 lbs*
21-15-9
Squat Cleans
Push Jerks
14:13 (65 lbs Rx)
I need to stop saying "I can't." Rick asked what my max Clean & Jerk was....I didn't know, but said that I knew I couldn't get 80 over my head. He rolled his eyes and told Jen and me to start with just the 45 lb bar. We got the form down and added a couple of plates. 65 lbs. 75 lbs. 80 lbs. We started to get a little excited. 85 lbs. 95 lbs. Done. Happiness. Not just for ourselves, but for each other. Neither of us thought going in to it that we would go that high. But we did.
And that was just the warm up. I was really happy to see squat cleans on the board today. I don't know why, but I love these! It just feels like a complete and fluid and beautiful movement. And it makes your quads hurt in a really good way. Somehow, the 15 lb bar that I had selected disappeared. I started to grab another. Rick said to use the 45. (See? I still have to be told.) I had done "Badger" with only 45 lbs. Today's Rx was 65. 21-15-9 reps. Do it or don't.
I can honestly say that today I gave 100%, every last thing I had. Unlike yesterday's deadlifts, I struggled through 21 reps of squat cleans and then 21 reps of push jerks at 65 lbs. And then 15. And then the glorious last 9 of each. When it was over I dropped to my knees. Too wobbly to stand up. There was not one inch of me that was dry or not shaking.
John and Shawn kindly took down my bar and put the plates and collars away for me. I probably stayed on the ground for 5 solid minutes. And all I could think was "I did it. I Rx'd." And as exhausted as I was, I was happy.
Encouragement from the tribe and from our leader. It's something we have at ACF. Of course there's the friendly competition, but what continues to amaze me is the encouragement that flows through the gym. We rejoice in each others' victories, be they big or small. Because they're not just physical...they're emotional and mental. It's about much more than a WOD, it's about overcoming life's struggles.
It's about someone plagued by self-doubt learning to say "I CAN do this. I WILL do this."
Por vida, my friends. Today is a good day.
Breakfast:
Chicken & Fruit Bowl (from My Fit Foods)
Lunch:
Leftover shrimp & chicken, carrots, celery & salsa
Dinner:
We'll talk about that later.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Step Out of the Comfort Zone, Please
WOD:
"Bungee"
2 rounds cals
3 rounds of "Around the World" (aka "mat humping")
400 m run
21-15-9
deadlifts
boxjumps
7:13 (95 lbs)
I'm learning. I'm learning that how well I can breathe is directly related to my sugar intake. I'm learning that I can actually lift a lot more than I *think* I can. Those 95 lb deadlifts should have been 105 or even 115. (My one rep max was 155 a couple of months ago, but I missed the max deadlift day last week so didn't get to try for more.) Coach Mike was right when he said I looked "comfortable." I was. I was too comfortable. I should have been struggling with those last 9 reps. I should have been struggling with the middle 15, and even the first 21. I still need to be told that I can go heavier, because I don't quite know how to tell myself.
Missy was right about yesterday's "cleansing cry." It wasn't about the WOD at all...it was everything else. CrossFit is how I deal with everything else. But in those few seconds, the fabric tore and everything I was holding inside came pouring out. It was momentary, short lived. But it gave me enough wiggle room to not feel so tight under the pressure.
Each day in the box is a learning experience for me. And my performance is a direct indicator of how well I'm handling everything else in my life. It tells me if I feel brave or if I feel scared. It tells me if I feel strong or if I feel weak and overwhelmed. It tells me if I feel happy or if I have things to work out.
I wonder what goes through everyone else's minds as they push through the WOD. My thoughts are often jumbled and erratic and I long for the day when they are clear and calm. What was I supposed to read for class today? Did I send those documents out? Was I supposed to send those documents out? Did I even finish the documents? Did I turn off my flat iron? Does Wes have clean clothes for preschool? Do I have stuff to make his lunch? When is Jason's next treatment?...and oh, please don't let us have a co-pay for it. Did I finish the billing? Did I even start the billing? Who is coming in to meet at 11 again? And do I have to be there? I have class today. I don't have class today. I should check the schedule again. I have six pages due on Monday. My front brakes are making a lot of noise. I need to clean out my car. And my house.
If I look perpetually lost in thought, it's because I am. But if I can make it through this semester, I'll be fine. At least until the next one starts. And maybe by then I will have deadlifted 200 lbs. Maybe even 225. It's the goals that keep us going....and we don't reach goals by staying comfortable.
Breakfast:
eggs, bacon
black coffee
Lunch:
chicken, shrimp, celery & carrot sticks w/ salsa
Dinner:
That would be something I forgot to plan....
"Bungee"
2 rounds cals
3 rounds of "Around the World" (aka "mat humping")
400 m run
21-15-9
deadlifts
boxjumps
7:13 (95 lbs)
I'm learning. I'm learning that how well I can breathe is directly related to my sugar intake. I'm learning that I can actually lift a lot more than I *think* I can. Those 95 lb deadlifts should have been 105 or even 115. (My one rep max was 155 a couple of months ago, but I missed the max deadlift day last week so didn't get to try for more.) Coach Mike was right when he said I looked "comfortable." I was. I was too comfortable. I should have been struggling with those last 9 reps. I should have been struggling with the middle 15, and even the first 21. I still need to be told that I can go heavier, because I don't quite know how to tell myself.
Missy was right about yesterday's "cleansing cry." It wasn't about the WOD at all...it was everything else. CrossFit is how I deal with everything else. But in those few seconds, the fabric tore and everything I was holding inside came pouring out. It was momentary, short lived. But it gave me enough wiggle room to not feel so tight under the pressure.
Each day in the box is a learning experience for me. And my performance is a direct indicator of how well I'm handling everything else in my life. It tells me if I feel brave or if I feel scared. It tells me if I feel strong or if I feel weak and overwhelmed. It tells me if I feel happy or if I have things to work out.
I wonder what goes through everyone else's minds as they push through the WOD. My thoughts are often jumbled and erratic and I long for the day when they are clear and calm. What was I supposed to read for class today? Did I send those documents out? Was I supposed to send those documents out? Did I even finish the documents? Did I turn off my flat iron? Does Wes have clean clothes for preschool? Do I have stuff to make his lunch? When is Jason's next treatment?...and oh, please don't let us have a co-pay for it. Did I finish the billing? Did I even start the billing? Who is coming in to meet at 11 again? And do I have to be there? I have class today. I don't have class today. I should check the schedule again. I have six pages due on Monday. My front brakes are making a lot of noise. I need to clean out my car. And my house.
If I look perpetually lost in thought, it's because I am. But if I can make it through this semester, I'll be fine. At least until the next one starts. And maybe by then I will have deadlifted 200 lbs. Maybe even 225. It's the goals that keep us going....and we don't reach goals by staying comfortable.
Breakfast:
eggs, bacon
black coffee
Lunch:
chicken, shrimp, celery & carrot sticks w/ salsa
Dinner:
That would be something I forgot to plan....
Monday, November 1, 2010
Meet "Forrest"...and tell him "thank you"
WOD:
"Forrest"
Hero WOD in honor of U.S. DEA Agent Forrest Nelson Leamon, killed in Afghanistan on October 26, 2009.
20 L-pullups (scaled: w/ band)
30 toes to bar
40 burpees
800 m run
3 RFT (scaled: 2 RFT)
33:04 *scaled*
I actually cried during this morning's WOD. Cried. First, because I couldn't breathe (sick with allergies....how pansy does that sound?) but then I cried BECAUSE I was crying. Having not wodded (I just like that word) since last Wednesday, and then having consumed ungodly amounts of candy this weekend, I COULD NOT BREATHE during burpees. Told myself to take 10 at a time....uh, fail. Okay, five at a time....mostly fail. I did complete them....with lots of encouragement from Coach Mike. He's really good about that, and it works. Running down the darkened alley (and I use the term "running" loosely) I was reminded that I get to do this because of people like Agent Leamon. And then my tears began to mix with the sweat and I decided this really wasn't all that bad.
Now, I'm not a make-a-big-production-of-the-cry kind of girl. I'd really prefer not to have done it in the first place. And truly, I don't think anyone else knew. And again, I wanted to go 3 rounds so badly. I wish I had done it now. John and Blaine did. Just about everyone from 5:45 did. And I realize some of them can do a lot that I can't (yet) but the only way to get better is to push yourself and chase those who are better than you. And this is why I will go back tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. And I will keep going until I can be the person who inspires someone else to push themselves. And then go again.
But honestly, I'd do "Badger" again in a heartbeat if given the choice. (I actually LOVED "Badger.") But then I'd feel ungrateful to "Forrest". So the only answer is to do each and every one of the hero WODs as they come. And then do them again, faster.
Breakfast:
orange/grapefruit juice
apple
leftover chicken breast
Lunch:
grilled chicken, celery, carrots, salsa
Dinner:
Seasoned shrimp, celery, salsa (loving salsa right now)
I will admit to having some of Wes' Halloween candy tonight. Of course now I wish I hadn't, but I did and we'll just agree to move forward and not dwell. Tomorrow is a new day, with a new WOD, and new opportunities to make the right choices.
"Forrest"
Hero WOD in honor of U.S. DEA Agent Forrest Nelson Leamon, killed in Afghanistan on October 26, 2009.
20 L-pullups (scaled: w/ band)
30 toes to bar
40 burpees
800 m run
3 RFT (scaled: 2 RFT)
33:04 *scaled*
I actually cried during this morning's WOD. Cried. First, because I couldn't breathe (sick with allergies....how pansy does that sound?) but then I cried BECAUSE I was crying. Having not wodded (I just like that word) since last Wednesday, and then having consumed ungodly amounts of candy this weekend, I COULD NOT BREATHE during burpees. Told myself to take 10 at a time....uh, fail. Okay, five at a time....mostly fail. I did complete them....with lots of encouragement from Coach Mike. He's really good about that, and it works. Running down the darkened alley (and I use the term "running" loosely) I was reminded that I get to do this because of people like Agent Leamon. And then my tears began to mix with the sweat and I decided this really wasn't all that bad.
Now, I'm not a make-a-big-production-of-the-cry kind of girl. I'd really prefer not to have done it in the first place. And truly, I don't think anyone else knew. And again, I wanted to go 3 rounds so badly. I wish I had done it now. John and Blaine did. Just about everyone from 5:45 did. And I realize some of them can do a lot that I can't (yet) but the only way to get better is to push yourself and chase those who are better than you. And this is why I will go back tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. And I will keep going until I can be the person who inspires someone else to push themselves. And then go again.
But honestly, I'd do "Badger" again in a heartbeat if given the choice. (I actually LOVED "Badger.") But then I'd feel ungrateful to "Forrest". So the only answer is to do each and every one of the hero WODs as they come. And then do them again, faster.
Breakfast:
orange/grapefruit juice
apple
leftover chicken breast
Lunch:
grilled chicken, celery, carrots, salsa
Dinner:
Seasoned shrimp, celery, salsa (loving salsa right now)
I will admit to having some of Wes' Halloween candy tonight. Of course now I wish I hadn't, but I did and we'll just agree to move forward and not dwell. Tomorrow is a new day, with a new WOD, and new opportunities to make the right choices.
Saturday/Sunday, October 30th & 31st
Saturday:
Breakfast:
bacon, eggs
orange/grapefruit juice
black coffee
No lunch....but I did have ice cream....and more black coffee.
Dinner:
Cobb salad
I don't know how to tally the amount of tootsie rolls I consumed....so I'm not going to try.
Sunday:
Breakfast:
eggs, sausage
black coffee
Lunch:
Again, don't recall eating lunch.
Dinner:
Bill Miller brisket, green beans, pinto beans, sauce, rolls
And more Halloween candy. I completely fell off the Paleo wagon this week. I guess it's not so much falling off as jumping off and then refusing to get back on right away. I got sick, didn't feel like cooking, and gave myself permission to misbehave. Major Paleo fail. I'm ready for Week 5 with renewed 100% commitment.
Breakfast:
bacon, eggs
orange/grapefruit juice
black coffee
No lunch....but I did have ice cream....and more black coffee.
Dinner:
Cobb salad
I don't know how to tally the amount of tootsie rolls I consumed....so I'm not going to try.
Sunday:
Breakfast:
eggs, sausage
black coffee
Lunch:
Again, don't recall eating lunch.
Dinner:
Bill Miller brisket, green beans, pinto beans, sauce, rolls
And more Halloween candy. I completely fell off the Paleo wagon this week. I guess it's not so much falling off as jumping off and then refusing to get back on right away. I got sick, didn't feel like cooking, and gave myself permission to misbehave. Major Paleo fail. I'm ready for Week 5 with renewed 100% commitment.
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