Beauty in this Mess

"When it's said and done and this race is run,
I wanna go out with no regrets.

Hope I was proof God was the Truth
and you could see beauty in this mess."


I know without a doubt that there is purpose in my struggles. I don't always see it, and sometimes I forget about it entirely, but when I look back I know it's there....somewhere.

Yesterday we had the absolute privilege of being in the presence of US Army Sgt. Joel Tavera at church. In 2008, his humvee was hit and 3 of his fellow soldiers were killed. Sgt. Tavera lost a leg, four fingers, pieces of his skull, was burned over 60% of his body, and lost all eyesight.

As he was led to the stage and given a seat, I wondered what he had looked like before. I wondered if there was bitterness. Those thoughts went away in seconds. If he was nervous, it didn't show. He answered questions from Randy and talked a little bit about his life now. He spoke somewhat slowly until Randy asked him about his favorite verse, Hebrews 4:12. Sgt. Tavera rattled the verse off as if nothing could ever make him forget it. "For the Word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword...."

Living and active. Sgt. Tavera said that when he woke up from his coma he had a choice to make. He could succumb to the depression that was sinking in, or he could live and fulfill his purpose. He wasn't done. He chose to live.

I noticed something during the slideshow of photographs that was played during the service. Sgt. Tavera has a beautiful smile. A genuine smile. I didn't notice his injuries anymore, just his smile. He gave so much in service for our country, and yet he's not done. God has more for him and wants more from him. Sgt. Tavera now serves as an encouragement for others. I don't know if that's officially what he does, but it's what he did for me.

I had a choice to make last year. I could continue on the path of self-destruction, giving up on life, my family, my friends...or I could start on the path back to living the life that God gave me. God allowed me to walk through that dark valley for as long as it took to realize what I was doing. But he never left me. He NEVER left me.

When I called out for Him after that long silence, He didn't answer me with anger. He just loved me. He just loved me. He showed me that I have a purpose. He showed me that there is "beauty in this mess."

I've learned to let people be who they are and try to love them anyway. I've learned acceptance and perseverance. I've learned to listen. I've learned that sometimes, all a person needs is a kind word. And I've learned that sometimes, I need to be the person that gives it to them. I've learned that my family is my everything. I've learned that I can do a lot more than I ever thought possible. I've learned that sometimes I just need to be quiet. I've learned that Mama never stops praying for me. I've learned that Daddy never stops, either. I've learned that my brother is one of the strongest and most beautiful people I have ever known. I've learned that my sister has the heart of a lion. I've learned that my husband has patience and love far above anything I deserve. And I've learned that my child....my child....loves with the greatest enthusiasm and forgives with a heart like Jesus.

I.Am.Blessed.