Step Out of the Comfort Zone, Please

WOD:
"Bungee"

2 rounds cals
3 rounds of "Around the World" (aka "mat humping")
400 m run

21-15-9
deadlifts
boxjumps

7:13 (95 lbs)


I'm learning. I'm learning that how well I can breathe is directly related to my sugar intake. I'm learning that I can actually lift a lot more than I *think* I can. Those 95 lb deadlifts should have been 105 or even 115. (My one rep max was 155 a couple of months ago, but I missed the max deadlift day last week so didn't get to try for more.) Coach Mike was right when he said I looked "comfortable." I was. I was too comfortable. I should have been struggling with those last 9 reps. I should have been struggling with the middle 15, and even the first 21. I still need to be told that I can go heavier, because I don't quite know how to tell myself.

Missy was right about yesterday's "cleansing cry." It wasn't about the WOD at all...it was everything else. CrossFit is how I deal with everything else. But in those few seconds, the fabric tore and everything I was holding inside came pouring out. It was momentary, short lived. But it gave me enough wiggle room to not feel so tight under the pressure.

Each day in the box is a learning experience for me. And my performance is a direct indicator of how well I'm handling everything else in my life. It tells me if I feel brave or if I feel scared. It tells me if I feel strong or if I feel weak and overwhelmed. It tells me if I feel happy or if I have things to work out.

I wonder what goes through everyone else's minds as they push through the WOD. My thoughts are often jumbled and erratic and I long for the day when they are clear and calm. What was I supposed to read for class today? Did I send those documents out? Was I supposed to send those documents out? Did I even finish the documents? Did I turn off my flat iron? Does Wes have clean clothes for preschool? Do I have stuff to make his lunch? When is Jason's next treatment?...and oh, please don't let us have a co-pay for it. Did I finish the billing? Did I even start the billing? Who is coming in to meet at 11 again? And do I have to be there? I have class today. I don't have class today. I should check the schedule again. I have six pages due on Monday. My front brakes are making a lot of noise. I need to clean out my car. And my house.

If I look perpetually lost in thought, it's because I am. But if I can make it through this semester, I'll be fine. At least until the next one starts. And maybe by then I will have deadlifted 200 lbs. Maybe even 225. It's the goals that keep us going....and we don't reach goals by staying comfortable.


Breakfast:
eggs, bacon
black coffee

Lunch:
chicken, shrimp, celery & carrot sticks w/ salsa

Dinner:
That would be something I forgot to plan....