Sliding into home

I miss my friends. And I miss my family. I haven't gone anywhere and neither have they....it's the finding time part that's difficult. But it's not about finding time....it's about making time. "Finding" suggests something that is happened upon by accident, whereas "making" implies something done with purpose.

I have made a decision...several decisions, actually. What prompted this decision making extravaganza was the message that Randy delivered in church on Sunday. He gave me permission to slow down. This sermon series is called "Making Room for Life" and it's exactly what I need to hear. Sunday's message could truly have been written explicitly for me. The message itself centered around the amount of time that parents devote to kids' sporting activities....the ones that usually start when the kids are 3 years old. He said that upon registering their first child for soccer at the age of 5, he and his wife realized they were 1 or 2 years behind and feared their daughter would never catch up to the skill level of the other kids. Randy also noted that as they had more children and enrolled them in more sports, he realized that his life had been reduced to three things: 1) chauffering, 2) watching his children through a chain link fence, and 3) going to work to support all of these activities. There was no time left for family. He and his wife made the decision to reduce the number of sports and seasons in which their children played....which was fine with the kids (who pointed out that it was the parents who signed them up in the first place). This was not fine with the coaches. The Frazees were told that this was not a good idea and that it would affect their child's standing with the team. They stood firm and have not regretted their decision to put their family first.

I've often wondered about the affect that multiple kids' sports have on families....but more so on the kids themselves. Do they really build self-esteem? Or do they tear it down? Do these children become leaders among their friends, or do they become followers who can't think for themselves? I have witnessed first-hand the draft for Little League baseball. The DRAFT. We are talking about children here. And the parents who serve as their coaches. It has made me so sad to hear some of the comments that these "coaches" have made about players....kids who are 8, 9, and 10 years old. They are cold and cutting and not at all what I would ever want anyone to say about MY child. And then one day I realized that this really isn't about children at all....it's about the parents and their social status. If that's what is important to you, fine. But it's not important to me.

I've been thinking a lot about this since Sunday. I've been thinking about how I always have this rise of panic on pause just inside me, waiting to be triggered. I think everyday about what I need to get my child involved in so he won't be behind or so different from all the other kids when he goes to school. I worry about the fact that I'm not keeping up with other parents. I wonder if my mom or Jason can watch Wes while I go to class, or run, or something else that really only involves me. I'm always in a hurry....always. I fuss at my child and my husband when one of them is not moving fast enough. And while sitting there in church, alone in the midst of a thousand people, I realized......I need to slow down. This isn't a practice run for something bigger. This is life and we don't get a do-over....especially with our children.

What my child needs is not another activity. What he needs is his mommy's attention. I'm ashamed at the number of times I say "not now", "just a minute", "I can't right now, buddy", "I'm too busy" anytime he asks me to watch a movie with him or play frisbee or catch or read a book or color a picture....all of a sudden he's 4 years old. And eventually, he'll stop asking. How the hell did I get like this???????

I need to get to know my family again. If you were to ask me when we last had dinner together at our own table, I couldn't tell you. Our dinner table has been covered with books and laptops and scattered paper for months. And even before then, it wasn't a priority. So I'm dropping my summer class at school. There, I said it. Keeping it would mean that everyday I would work until 7 pm. That doesn't leave enough time for commute and dinner and playtime with the people who matter most.

Now, my child can still play a sport....if HE wants to. But our family will be priority. He doesn't actually want to play organized sports right now....he wants to play with us. So I'm going to MAKE time for that. Did you know that 70% of kids stop playing sports by the age of 13 because of burnout?? (Source: Michigan State University’s Institute for the Study of Youth Sports).

Randy and Roseann's son joined his dad onstage on Sunday morning and told of how his parents' decision has affected his life. He said that he doesn't do drugs, he completes his homework on time, and the only gang he's in is his family. I LOVED that. Because when my siblings and I get together, we're kind of like a gang. (Viva la Garsha!!!) People are always commenting on how great it is that we are truly such good friends....I couldn't agree more.

This summer I want to have unorganized sports nights with my family and other families. I want to have pick-up kickball games and water balloon fights. I want to see my friends again instead of always promising that we'll do something soon. I want to sit down and talk with people and actually sit back, not right on the edge of my seat because I have somewhere else to go in a few minutes. I'm going to get up earlier and watch the sun rise while I run (if I just really want to) and everyone else sleeps, leave work at a reasonable hour and have a homemade meal on the table and eat dinner with my family more often than not. My child has a love of music that I want to foster. If he wants music lessons, we'll get some music lessons. We'll go see live music shows and eat good food and make sun tea. And we'll make those cupcakes he keeps asking for. This might only be for the summer for now, but I hope it will be the first of many that my child will never forget. Let's play ball :)