Dear Mama....

My mama. I can still feel your hands pulling my hair up into that perfect ponytail for track and field day, tight so it wouldn't fall. I can feel them as they stroked my forehead when I was sick and rubbed my back to wake me gently. I can hear you in the living room in the early dark hours of the morning as you prayed in whispers for us before each day began. I can smell the breakfast you would make for us everyday before school. And I can hear your sweet voice as you sat on my bed each night and went through the verses of "When mother tucks me in at night..."

I remember when Lynne and Paula painted that poem on a box for my baby shower and when asked to read it for everyone, I could only make it through the first line before bursting into tears. They had no idea that I didn't have to read it, I could recite it, as it had been our poem spoken every night since before I could remember.

Thank you for bringing me a coloring book and crayons when my labor was induced, because you know I color when I get stressed or scared.

Thank you for all of those little things you did to show your love for us as we were growing up. And thank you for all of those little things that you still do. Thank you for loving my Daddy. And for loving my husband. And most of all for loving my little boy the way you do. Thank you for loving my friends and always welcoming them into your home. Thank you for loving the neighbors that I don't like because they're cranky and bitter and speak hateful words. You see past their grumpy exteriors and into their private pain.

Thank you for teaching me that a little kindness goes a long way and that I'll catch more flies with honey than I will with vinegar. Those lessons have served me well when I have remembered them, and haunted me when I have not.

Thank you for keeping your sense of humor and sense of fun and not allowing the hardships of life to fade your beautiful smile. I love that you can laugh at questionable behavior and even engage in some yourself (....slingshots). I love that you want all of us to be together as much as we possibly can. And I love that you and Daddy came to each one of our kickball games last summer.....to watch your children (ages 33, 29 and 22) play together.....simply because you love us and want to be with us.

Thank you for always dreading the end of summer instead of telling people that you couldn't wait for us to go back to school, like all the other mothers did. Thank you for always telling me as I headed off to spend the night with a friend that if I ever needed you to come get me, you would....no matter the time.

Thank you for admitting when you were wrong and admitting that you didn't always have the right answers. Thank you for the person you were then, and the person you are today. Thank you for raising us to be decent and to stick together.

And thank you so much, so very much, for never giving up on me. I know I've made it hard these last few years. But I always knew that you loved me....and now I can feel it, too.

The older I get, the more I realize how much I still need you. Thank you for everything you have taught me. And thank you for thinking I'm perfect, even though you know I'm not.

I can't afford to buy you the things I really want to for Mother's Day. But I can tell you, or try to tell you, how much you mean to me. I love you, Mama. Thank you for everything you are to all of us.