Saying "I love you" with homemade soup

I've come to discover many things about myself since emerging from my five year battle with major depression. FIVE YEARS. Some of those things have been difficult to accept, namely the fact that I neglected my family emotionally, spiritually, and physically. They have forgiven me and I am still working on forgiving myself. Not easy. I can't make up for the time lost. But I can start new each day. (Note: I'm aware that some of the previous posts have elicited tears from those who have read them....this is not one of those posts, so please continue on without hesitation.)

One of the things that bothers me most is that I did not provide nutritionally for my family. My husband, lover of all things fried, has a chronic illness which presents a nutritional puzzle all its own. And my little boy...sweet, sweet little boy...he has come to think of corn dogs and Pringles as acceptable fare. I don't remember exactly when I realized what was going on in our lives, food wise, but it was a horrible sinking feeling that caused me to wake up and take notice. That's when I found Paleo.

A friend had begun telling me about CrossFit and the Paleo Diet favored by CrossFitters many months back. I knew I wasn't ready to get into CrossFit but I began following the Paleo way of eating in March of this year. The basic Paleo diet is made up of all vegetables (except starches), all fruits, lean meat, nuts (except peanuts...because they are actually legumes) and seeds. It eschews sugar, grains, and dairy. Sounds limiting at first but it has actually opened up an entire world of food for me that I didn't even know existed. I LOVE to cook now....hated it before. I love to shop for fresh produce and meat and I almost never venture to the aisles in the center of the grocery store.

I do cheat once in a while....or for a couple of weeks at a time (not good). But when I do, my body lets me know that it is not pleased. It's amazing how sensitive I have become to the things that I now do without most of the time. One non-Paleo day can mess me up for a week or more. I start to feel sluggish both mentally and physically. That doesn't mean that I won't indulge my life-long love of ice cream....it just means that I will have to put up with the consequences. Sometimes it's worth it, but most of the time it's not.

What does this have to do with neglecting my family? Everything. Seeing the results in my own body has made me more vigilant about what I feed them. I had to see for myself if Paleo was worth the effort. And it so is. I read labels for everything...if I'm buying anything with a label at all. I stopped buying fast food for my son. Have you ever read the ingredients for chicken nuggets??? Even Chick-fil-A's? I would be very interested to know why they need to contain de-foaming agents. Why would a chicken nugget foam?!?!? That is disgusting!!! I mean, have you seen "Supersize Me"??

I don't make J and Wes follow Paleo whole-hog. I don't believe that beans and milk and whole grains are bad for everyone....but I do believe that excluding them from my own diet is beneficial. Besides, sometimes I just need for my child to eat something....ANYTHING!! Bean tacos fit the bill quite nicely. He's a growing boy.

But what I really love is preparing food for my family now. Every Sunday I make a big pot of chicken soup. I boil the chicken (with bones) to make the broth. I chop carrots and celery and zucchini and onion and garlic. I'm careful not to let it cook too fast. I shred each piece of cooked chicken by hand and add it back into the pot once the vegetables are done. The process is about more than just cooking for me. It's about actively loving my family. It's about caring for them and nourishing them and making them feel warm on the inside....even if I have to put Wes' serving through the blender so the vegetables do not offend his eyes.

After spending a couple of months researching and learning and practicing Paleo, I was finally ready to try CrossFit. It's not easy. I dreaded the entire first month of WODs (WOD = workout of the day). I would take baths in epsom salt and eucalyptus oil to appease my enraged muscles, wondering why I was doing this if it hurt so bad. And then one day it hurt really, really good. And I wanted more. I started to see muscles...I'm sure no one else can see them, but I do and it makes me happy. I want to get faster and stronger. And now it's FUN. This morning's WOD resulted in my first set of open blisters and popped blood vessels on my hands. I don't care...I earned them.

I can't say that I've lost a lot of weight (aside from the initial 10-12 lbs)....pretty certain there's a medical reason for that and am in the process of trying to find out what it's about, but I feel better. And when I feel better, I take better care of my family.