Eight

He stood a few steps before me. His hand that bore the scars outstretched, offering to take mine.

I don't want to. I don't know where you're taking me.

I stood there with my arms crossed, feet determined to stay planted on the ground that gave way beneath me.

I didn't trust Him. How could this possibly be meant for good?

Why are You allowing this to happen? What did I do wrong? Can't You just go back and fix it? Please?....

The little life that I had to let go of on July 28, 2004....I had no way of jumping forward to October 4, 2005 or December 8, 2011. And yet I consider all three dates to be dates of enormous blessing. Different, fortunately. I had to go through one to get to the others. And at the time, I couldn't see the joy ahead.

Through the loss of one tiny babe, I gained....so much. There is no trading here. And I can now say that I'm thankful. Thankful to feel beyond myself. Thankful to have learned to hold the hurt and then to tenderly release it.

I have been blessed. Immensely.

My blessings have names. The obvious....Wes and Sunshine.

Jason. Mama and Daddy. Jared. Anna.

My precious girls....Shonda, Mona, Gia, Melissa, Diane, and Kelli. We learned together how to circle the wagons and hold each other up like no one else can. We learned to smile again and laugh. To stretch the cords of friendship across time and across the country. We learned to share life beyond our great losses.

My most treasured friend of thirty-plus years. My April. I can't even find the proper words to thank you. For never giving up on me. For reaching down into the well of darkness and grabbing my hand and never letting go. You have a special jewel in your crown just for loving me.

Eight years. Eight full years have gone by. I didn't want to trust Him and walk in faith into the unseen tomorrow.

I didn't have to....

He carried me instead.




So. Very. Blessed.