Ain't no Sunshine when she's gone....

She finally settled down and went to sleep as I rocked her in her newly painted room, her lamp softly glowing, lighting our last few hours before I would leave her and resume my "other" day job. I waited until her tiny mouth fell open and she let her head rest fully on my arm before I carried her into our room and strapped her into the bouncer inside the pack 'n play where she's slept since we first brought her home.

Exhausted and anxiously awake, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, resigned to the fact that tomorrow would be altogether different. Turning around I saw that she was now wide awake, staring in wide-eyed wonderment at the ceiling fan circling slowly overhead. Silly girl.

She woke me up with a loud and determined cry this morning just before my alarm was set to go off. I fumbled for my glasses, untucked her and carried her to her room to be changed and fed. Not liking to sit in her own soil for long, it turned out that all she wanted was a clean diaper and resisted my offer to feed her. With her content to settle back in to sleep, I was grateful for a few extra minutes myself.

This morning went incredibly smoothly. Looking presentable prior to six a.m. is something that has not happened in a long while. And I still managed to get hot breakfast on the table for the boys....and on time! My boy woke up with a happy face and asked me to hold his hand as we walked down the stairs together. I wrapped him in a blanket like I always do and set him in front of his plate. He asked for a cup of hot chocolate and I gladly complied. It's kind of rare that he is so sweet and agreeable in the morning. God must have known that I needed a gentle hand today....

After helping him into his new longer jeans and cinching the waist to fit and not fall down (thank God for little boy jeans with adjustable waists!), he pulled on his cowboy boots, kissed and hugged me goodbye and put on his jacket and backpack. He waved to me as he always does from his backseat window as he and his daddy drove away.

It was time. I had to wake her up, change and feed her, settle her in her car seat and go. She smiled at me and talked to me in sweet baby noises while I readied her bag with the last few extras I worried she might need for the day. Tears spilled over (mine, not hers) and I urged myself to hold it together. We drove the minute and fifteen seconds it takes to get to my mom's house from ours and I carried her inside, unloaded her gear, and prepared to leave my little girl for the first time.

I hate this. I know it's necessary. But I still hate it. I remind myself to be thankful for my good job, my good employer. And I remind myself that I have not one but TWO beautiful kids to come home to tonight. I am blessed beyond reason. Beyond anything I can imagine.

My mom texts me when I get to work to see if I'm alright. I tell her I am but am worried I won't be able to get my big ass new car out of the parking garage after work. She tells me "God would not have given you a big ass car if you couldn't!"....She's right. :)

And so we start life again....with a thankful heart for all that it holds, and a few extra prayers about the parking garage.


(As for the title of this entry, it's my sister's new tune to sing to Sunny. Sunny has yet to express approval.)