I Just Think I Know What I Need

I had it all planned out. This weekend was going to be do or die time to get our house on the market. I know some of you are thinking "Really? Still??" Yes. It's taken us a looooong time. And out of sheer frustration I wanted this weekend to be absolutely it. No more. Take the pictures and list it already.

But it didn't happen. I just couldn't go any further and neither could Jason or Wes. That little boy, in particular, had been so patient (most of the time) all weekend and he'd finally had enough. So we piled in the car with the bikes and went to the trails to catch the last hour or so of sunlight. I decided that a good, long walk would help clear my mind and maybe recharge my spirit just a little and that maybe I would hit the house with renewed energy when we were done.

That didn't happen. But what did happen was good for my soul. The boys took off down the paved trail and I listened as my child's giggles faded as they rode away. I started to talk to God about my frustration but got the sense He really just wanted me to shut up and listen. So I silenced my inner whining. Good grief, she's loud....

I walked along without counting my steps in my head (I do this for pace when I run, but also because I'm just a touch OCD...) and listened. In my own silence I heard the breeze rustling through the trees, the occasional splash in the creek newly replenished by last week's rain, birds and squirrels and the tires of other riders as they whizzed by me on the left.

And then I just happened to see a fawn tucked away under a cedar tree just a couple of feet from the trail. It watched me intently and stayed very still. I watched it for a while before I decided I was probably making it very, very nervous.

I walked on a ways and decided to wait for Jason and Wes to come back that way. Not more than a few minutes passed before I heard those familiar giggles and saw my little boy in his silver helmet come blazing down the curve on his beloved blue bike. He excitedly called out "There's mommy!!" and I was more than proud that he was happy to see me again. We'd had a rough day that included tears for both of us.

I was excited to show him the fawn. It's not something we get to see up close very often. We continued our trek back to the car but this time, my little boy chose to stay with me. He didn't want to leave me behind. So we happily chatted and moved ahead and I was silently thankful that we were on good terms again.

Wes spotted a coral snake in the grass just off the trail and immediately turned back to notify me. I saw the last several inches of it slither away into the tall grass and was thankful that my boy had done the right thing and left it alone. It's not the thought of coral snakes that bothers me....it's the rattlers. I don't know if he'll see them. I don't know if he'll have time. I don't want to think about it....all I can do is remind him that they're out there.

Wes was very proud of his snake spotting. He warned everyone we passed on the way back to the car. From the looks on some people's faces, they had forgotten that we share space with other creatures. Wes was happy to provide the service of a reminder.

I could not have asked for a more perfect ending to a crappy day. I did not receive the renewed strength or energy that I had so stubbornly prayed for. Instead, He gave me rest. Sometimes He knows best like that.....